I'm built like a vintage Ferrari: I'm either going full speed or choking on my own clutch.

Others may run circles around you, but I dance them.

People think I'm a jack of most trades, but I'm actually an expert at all of them.

I deserve to be pampered, because I'm worth it!

I do physics for a living but I do physiques while I'm living.

One load, two babies, baby!

Wow...I love the Bay Area.

I'm not tired, I'm just bored.

Facebook hereby does not have permission to steal my Honda Civic. Repost this to your page to prevent Mark Zuckerburg from stealing your identity!

I take care of patients all day long, so don't expect me to take care of you, or myself.

My domain? ialreadyownit.com

Can you smell that? It's the fresh scent of me roasting you.

I'm a beefstick, wrapped in a gopher's diaphragm, and cash. I don't remember anything that has ever happened to me!

One time, Brandon told me that it takes 7 seconds for your brain to lose consciousness when you're dying and I haven't been the same since.

“Entourage S4E8 4m36s xx”

These chef pants weren’t made for walking, but that's just what they'll do. With a thread count this low, you can see alllll the way through.

My advice: keep your friends close and your enemies more fucked up than you are.

You can't afford my advice, but even if you could, you're beyond help.

Yeah nah...non mais oui. Viola Davies?

People try to figure me out, and this...but I'm...and that...and you know...one of a kind!

I'm a Southern Belle. Brains, booty, and allll the business (trauma).

I would write a 1 star review for the Ritz, but the Applebee's at Fisherman's Wharf always commands 5 stars.